Lamonte's BLOG

Peace!

2010-10-14T19:24:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I had to do it all over again, would I do it differently?

Peace has come and gone for a brief moment only to realize that it will never come back.

In life, we are offered so much and sometimes we fail to use these opportunities to set us up for success. At times, I wonder, if we complain so much about the things we experience that we fail to appreciate what matters most.

I guess we all define it differently and for some people you’ll never actually get the chance to measure your worth because your caught up in creating the problem instead of working to solve it.

But the optimistic side of me believes that we all experience life in similar capacities and internally define them differently – whether that’s love, disappointment, happiness, grief, or a simple cut on the finger. Our experiences make us who we are – the good samaritan vs. the bad terrorist.

Perception.

What’s your perception of yourself?

How affective is constructive criticism if you go through life thinking critical about yourself?

I wonder sometimes.

And you may wonder where I am going with this – huh? I stopped for a minute and asked myself the same question.
But what I know is that I need to do a better job taking advantage of all these opportunities I have and use it to solve the problem; not recreate it.

I refuse to fixate on an issue without truly understanding it at the core. People can fool you sometime.

What’s really the problem here? I may ask and I hope you will do the same.
Peace

I'MproveMEnt

2010-01-05T21:20:00.005-06:00

I mellow earth searching for lost wonders.
Hopes I’d dream revolutionized.
Or things yet to become unfounded slanted by sight.
Shattered by small scars,
The window of improvement illuminates normality restored.
The wind cold.
The days old.
The mood uncertain.
And the present ignored by unfathomable thoughts of inspection.
I rose.
I fell.
I descend.
I levitate onward.
But the idea remains.
Constant.
Unwavering.
Fickle.
Unremitting.
Wavering in status.
Merely do I speak of weakness?
As I default and own my convictions of decadence.

in a distance

2009-03-09T23:23:00.001-05:00

A calling in the distance.
Whispering quietly.
The trumpet muted by blank sheets of music.
The sound muffled yet apparent in spirit.
It is what’s to become of me.
Meandering for its final outcome.
Patiently awaiting its due.
I rediscover self in the process.
I reinvent.
Re-establish.
Renew a new sagacity for my transpiration.
Comprehending much.
But struggle for resolution.
More than a feeling or emotion.
Love is.
Abides in me.
I search for its presence.
Swiftly to no avail.
Eager for its finished product.
Questioning presides as I hibernate from others.
Void. Alone. And hurt.
Stories unfold and stolen moments transcribe a fairy tale.
An ending unknown but the will to exist.

Once

2009-01-07T21:14:00.000-06:00

I met someone once.
And a conversation was explored.
Sharing realities, philosophies, and ideologies which profoundly correlated with experiences witnessed in life.
The debate contrasted in its details.
The exchange spoke of strangers meeting in time only to separate and get lost in their own journeys once again.
The approach different.
Unpleasantly diverse in its endeavor the disappointment arises in the unknown.
Wondering if paths will rekindle and new beliefs are discovered as the events of the day discontinue.
A reunion of thoughts, a reunion of life, a reunion of words unspoken.
I met someone once.
And it made me feel good to be in their presence. Reassuring the core of me own identity.
I exist in challenge. I exist in understanding. I exist in you.

Maybe we'll meet again.

The 11th Doctrine

2008-12-28T20:24:00.002-06:00

As the year begins to come to an end and we rise to face yet another, I am yet amazed at the lessons learned. I share with each of you The 11th Doctrine that I take with me into 2009. I hope you too can use this as a guide to live by, grow by, and learn by as we enter this journey together. Please feel free to share, challenge, or add to any of these. Happy New Year!

The 11th Doctrine
1st.The more you know the more you grow.
2nd. If you believe you can achieve anything.
3rd. Perception is not reality.
4th. Friends are seasonal.
5th. We are what we want to become.
6th. Change is a choice.
7th. Choose your attitude.
8th. Never leave room for doubt.
9th. Always lean on your family.
10th. Love exceeds all things.
11th. God is always in control.

HOME

2008-12-16T20:31:00.000-06:00

I wonder where this life will become.
As I live each day anticipating another.
Taking for granting the moments of today.
The mistakes of the yesterday.
And the next second of time that will present a choice.
To be.
To become.
To live like no other.
Challenge beyond measure.
As I understand my call to action.
Limitations no longer exist.
The shackles released like doves in the sky.
Pursuits are birth.
Interventions near.
I am home.

BEHOLDEN

2008-11-27T19:52:00.000-06:00

The warm embrace of love fills my mood.
Laughs.
Side conversations.
And tears of how we all connect as beings warm the heart and allow the soul to glisten with rays of light.
Joy presides in the atmosphere as we rekindle spirits.
Aged moments of time permeate through words.
I inhale the observation.
Accepting the present.
Reliving past events.
Family.
Sweets.
Stomach aches.
Pastries baked with childhood goodies.
Remind us how beautiful life is in golden years.
Kinships joined.
Fellowships remembered.
Strangers but friends dine in gratitude.
Yet the heart tells our story.
The feeling.
The emotion.
Happiness profound.
Thrilling.
Beholden.

Nameless

2008-11-16T22:45:00.001-06:00

Cogent is the mind.
Wars.
Conflicts.
Bloody battles invade my territory.
Muddy images clog thoughts with a pristine concept of life.
A question existing.
Disparaging.
Muddled.
Mystified.
A stranger in time lost in the wild.
Stop pause and wait humbly for verve pursuits.
Configuring a timely withdrawal to unearth chimera.
Patience is a virtue.

This Time

2008-11-14T22:30:00.002-06:00

It is in the remittance of this moment that I subsist.
As I attempt to stray away from the uneasiness preoccupying the brain a warm sensation overcomes me.
An innovative gist of being.
A fond awakening which draws a smile upon the face initializes change.
As a child I dreamt.
As an adult I continue to reverie.
And as time passes before me I recollect my exploration of life.
The measures of the day gleam new historical beliefs of possibility.
Reaching for the stars never appeared so secure.
Living the dream is not a preference.
And thoughts replenish the brain with stimulating sentiments;
You can be what you want to be.
Anything is possible if you believe.
Friends give way to what once was and celebrate this time.
The mood exciting.
The atmosphere letting go of the pain and embracing now.
Family tells stories of the day to younger generations.
What a feeling of hope.
Pride.
Happiness illuminates the heart, which permeates the soul with glee.
This is and was the moment that will reside with me now and tomorrow.
And even more as a child dreaming.
Twinkle, twinkle little star.

A Memoir

2008-09-21T23:00:00.002-05:00

Today we remember our past.
Reminiscing on all the times we shared –some bad.
But for the most part – good!
Refreshing. Stirring. Thrilling. Delighting.
We collectively as one unit exist because of those before us beginning a dream.
And look what it turned out to become.
A family.
And I am honored to be apart of one.
As a worker proud of a day’s work.
Or a mother seeing her child for the very first time.
Similar to a student earning all A’s for the semester.
Equal to the rising of the sun as it gazes over the earth time and time again.
We are all here by choice.
Though unexpected.
Time will reveal the spirit of our being,
Predestined to fulfill the acts of our ancestors.
To live happily. Freely. Abundantly. And with more.
Never unyielding the blueprint of life.
We are all part of a bigger picture.
Worth more than a thousand words.
Worth more than silver or gold.
Worth more than all the richest of the world.
Building upon and continuously pursuing onward.
As we redefine the links circling the bonds which hold us together.
We exist.

Discovery

2008-09-12T23:41:00.002-05:00

Today, I write humbly to avail the inner thoughts weighing on me.
As I release my compassion for others.
I thirst for the same devotion, extol, and rumination.
It is in this moment of reflection that I am exhausted due to my over commitment to something beyond me.
Beyond you.
Though I struggle with this very thought.
It is that I am…. acknowledging….
It is that I am…..
It is that I am acknowledging my own deception.
My own defeat.
But I feel as though I must prove you wrong. There has got to be some solution to all this lunacy. To all this that I am struggling with.
Where is my balance?
As I solve this equation.
As I complete my puzzle.
As I come to this the end of my travels.
My map has concluded.
My treasure unfound.
My discovery begins once again.

Childhood Thoughts

2008-08-31T22:26:00.002-05:00

I begin this post in a melancholy state.
Searching the seven seas for some peace of mind.
I wonder. I ponder. I meander.
Into periods of time where life was just fine.
Living was easy. Young and naïve.
Happiness could be found at the end of each rainbow.
Streetlights were avoided as the sunsets reminded us of a day’s journey.
Learning. Growing. Changing was inevitable.
We dreamed of the future. So distant.
We imagined love. And how it may look. Or how it may grow.
Did it smell sweet? As it blossoms right before our very eyes.
Life was good, as we knew it. Time stood still.
Yet we took it for granted, as days appeared endless.
Oblivious to what our future would hold and how each day dramatically changed our course.
It’s scary how things change.
How dreams become realities.
And how the person we have become is not an articulated mirror image.
Today I realized life in its fullness.
The dreams of yesterday are still the dreams of tomorrow.
Dreaming is Believing. Becoming. And holding true to those things that make life happy.
Just as they did in our youth.
The future still so distant.
I continue to dream like when I was a child. Young and naïve.
And hopeful to the idea, what shall be will BE.

iBelieve

2008-07-30T18:35:00.003-05:00

I received a note today.
It wasn’t expected but indeed a random act of kindness.
Solicitous, rousing, and sympathetic in release.
Its timing was indispensable.
As I read.
Charily.
Line by Line.
Word for word across the page.
Till the very end.
Renewed by the content.
I find joy in what has emerged.
The pursuit of happiness.
Success.
Love.
And the desire to dare the unattainable.
As life continues to flourish right before our eyes.
We only hope for the best.
We only dream of tomorrow.
But what we hold dear mirrors a puzzle yet to be completed.
A lesson unlearned.
Strangers naïve to their predestined amity.
Which leads to discovery?
iBelieve.

Simply Put

2008-07-24T13:10:00.003-05:00

As usual I am full of passion.
Trying to make sense of everything is quite a convoluted task.
I muse whether it is even worthwhile.
Who knows.
One day maybe it will all make sense.
My life.
My purpose.
My calling is mind-boggling.
I cogitate if I’m going through the motions or carrying out my duty and responsibility (breathe in, exhale) which is to love.
Though broad in array and unspecific in detail, it fabricates an interesting reflecting of my identity.

Simply put, Love is me.

Here I Stand

2008-07-09T21:29:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I celebrated yet another birthday.
I woke up feeling bad, depressed, and lonely but as the day evolved my mood shifted and I was doing aiight.
It is interesting how moods can change easily but people do, too.
Life is hard.
This statement is true but limited.
I choose to believe we all have choices.
And sometimes we find ourselves in a mess or floored with joy.
With this in mind, it is I who constructs a canvas exhibiting my sequence.
I am a light.
Exemplifying hurt and pain but radiant with passion –truth.
My bad day is my good day.
Sickness surrenders to wellness.
Hate shadows love.
Yesterday turns into today.
Mistakes are gems.
You can’t rush perfection.
So be.
Happy.
Love more.
Give.
Smile.
Practice patience.
Help your neighbor.
Live in the moments.
Express Honesty.
Breathe.
Do the impossible.
BECOME.
I say all this because life can be short.
We never know where life will take us.
But what we can do is make the most of what we have and that is life.
I look forward to my next birthday.
I choose to believe I will wake up more superior than when I woke up yesterday.

An Investment

2008-05-31T23:50:00.004-05:00

I have endowed my interest in the lives of lost souls,
Or a drought of cleanliness on my part.
Wavering away the shackles placed upon my heart.
To love you.
A friend indeed of merits.
Deliberate in my endeavor to consult your affirmation.
But can it be seen?
Do you notice me?

Pronounce me dead.
For this hurt I cannot bare.
Force me into exile.
So my worth is not in vain.
Loyalty is what I ask.
But not yielded in the fruits that I sow.

The reaping of my decisions has become known.
Caught up in an emotion and acting upon it with clear intentions.
Deceit hunts the soul.
As I imitate my own delusion.
Truth is. I am hurting.
Shadowed in smiles.
A plea.
A cry.
Listen.

I hold on further.
Bestowed by faith.
Carrying out the battle to exist in your world,
As I covet to hear from me today, tomorrow, and yesterday.

Optimism abides within.

Voices in my head

2008-05-12T12:54:00.006-05:00

The season ends and the air we once grew accustomed is Fresher, Aged -refined.
I inhale only to realize a glimpse of me.
Not wanting to acknowledge the hurt, the pain, the guilt, the disgust.
I move on.
Life happens.
Does it not?

I write renewed.
I write polished.
I write optimistic.
I write emotional.
I write stronger.

A season ends.
A new one begins.
Wow!
Where did all the time transcend?
Did I live in the moment?

The future is unclear.
Anonymous.
Dimmed by the unknown.
How does one remain content and focused without losing eye to the very thing that is important to their existence?
When will I know?
Or do you just know?

I continue to persist.
Carrying all my baggage.
Reality is now.

A Movement

2008-03-19T23:43:00.004-05:00

You ask much of me,
Though I am hunted by the lack of,
An allusion shattered by hope.
Survivor of my past, my now, my existing,
Better than before.
A precursor to tenacity, perseveration, illuminating by touch.
I was born to be about reformation,
Congregations form at the sound of my voice,
Alarmed by their conscious woo of a stranger.
Unconscious and unaware,
Immune to their current state,
My being is through them.
Surround yourself with truth,
Stand alone and need not me to be your guide,
Rather a collective surrogate of one.
A movement is what I am,
Involved, Engaged, Activistism is what you see,
Authentic by actions. Realism at best.
Do comment or make notions,
Your perception is not my veracity,
Naked by virtue and unashamed.
Beat me. Corrupt me. Hang me.
I surpass your inhibition,
Because I live progressively.
A movement is what I am.

Atonement

2008-03-15T23:33:00.000-05:00

As I move from my left to my right,
Hurt and pain dwells within,
Pulsating my desire, my silent plea,
For love.

A hug,
A kiss,
A call,
A touch,
Is needed now.

As they signify your existence,
In my world, thoughts, and breathe,
My air,
My hope is in you,
I exist!

And though I am alone,
You are close,
Near,
I sense you,
Whispering sweet sentiments,
Your smell is apparent,
I exhale and hold on.

Remembering our past,
Futuristically unknown,
Foggy and unpredictable,
I am bitter.

Unfresh, spoiled, and stale,
Leftovers from yesterday,
I have been forgotten,
Feeling blue,
I am no longer self.

As I await,
Your arrival is pertinent,
To your succession,
Happiness is through me,
I am you!

Baffled!!

2008-02-19T23:29:00.001-06:00

Baffled!
As a result of my writing drought,
It had been a minute and it’s not my first,
Seen this moment before.
Befuddled, because I losed a piece of me.
Confusedly figuring out my way,
Only to better today!

I dodge the better sense of me,
Upset, Because I am afraid of my result,
My growth ignored.
Failing to innovate.
Struggle is needed.

What is my plan?
Though this constant sequence of reoccurrences maintained.
I am removed.
Removing myself away from reality and focused on a fantasy.
An allusion. A fake. A phoney.
An actor with no role.

I suggest erect a purpose, a goal, an objective,
Which configures a premeditated plan of outcome.
I question me?
And how inquisitively I want to change, evolve or recreate.
Riddance of this stagnant iniquity
And become, progressive!

I AM FULL

2008-01-07T21:40:00.000-06:00

I AM FULL.

I am full right now!
Full off of life,
Full off of God, and
Full off of blessings.

In my last writing, I talked about needing a moment. Well it has surpassed and I have arrived. Who knows whether or not if it shall return, but who cares, I am grabbing this – what I have right now and running with it. I am thankful to be here in my life and I could not have asked for the lessons I have learned from my past. Memorizes are imperative in this recollection as they aid me in the transformation to be BETTER, GREATER, STRONGER, and WISER. I AM AS I AM because of them.

I am appreciative to those who has aided in this process. I only hope and pray that I can stay where I am and not fall. But I am not dwelling on becoming dethroned because in my eyes this reign shall and will forever last. I am a KING. Noble, wise, confident, and READY. God send me and WHOM SHALL I FEAR? NO ONE BUT ME.

Get FREE YALL and ENJOY this life that we have. There is so much to be thankful for and I AM EMBRACING MINE. RIGHT NOW. I am living and this is the best TIME.

I AM FULL.

I need a moment

2008-01-04T20:21:00.000-06:00

It has been an extremely long time since I had the opportunity to sit down, think, and reflect. Once we lose these opportunities apart of us dies and we can no longer recapture those brief and meaningful moments to catch up and see where we are and what we need to do to make ourselves better.

This previous semester has been long and stressful. I cannot say much about my growth but what I can do from here is learn for my past mistakes and use them as a piece to complete my puzzle. Life is hard. No one ever said it would be easy. We, as a people, all go through the same struggles and setbacks. I am so glad to have these moments of adversity but its getting through them which makes us stronger, better, and wiser. It takes a true and genuine person to stand up during this time to admit to self and others – hey I am weak right now and I going through some things. I need a moment. A moment to REFLECT and get myself back on top!

So, for the break I am using this time to tell everyone – I am going through some things and I need this time to REFLECT. Get back at me later!

...Love Thoughts...

2007-10-15T00:00:00.001-05:00

I am giving you my love in this very thought.
Pushing it through with all my existence,
Hoping, wishing, and praying that you will notice
But all I find is just another text, just another call, just another wasteful moment
That I must realize you will never been mine.
Consistently, I ask for your love or at least I shadow it with what I think is love,
I feel for you.
I think of you.
I ask of you to do the same.
Feel for me.
Think of me.
Ask of me of what you will have of me as I commit to you.
And only you.
But I am understanding this as just another conversation,
Of which I have had to many times before,
And I’m becoming aged in it.
Either I am lost in love or it has yet to find me.
Somewhere looming in the midst of all my woes.
I Breathe in. I Exhale.
I take another step, two, four, and back one more.
But I am progressing further.
Though I still ponder your love.

Some Things Never Change!

2007-08-28T20:41:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I wrote. Laziness is something to overcome and I have not quite mastered that part my life. I apologize to all of my fans out there who have missed out on whats been going on with me. Life has had its ups-and-downs since I last wrote but with each new day we grow stronger, wiser and a new being. Today, I present you to me!

Yesterday, I began yet another semester at WKU. A bittersweet moment as this will be my last semester as a grad. student at Western.. One class to finish and I am looking forward to my graduation day and something a little bit different.

As I walked around campus, I noticed some things never change. You can point out your freshmen students, upperclassmen students, super senior students, and those students who cannot wait to get away from this place. With all the anxiety and high hopes of aspiration, college is still all the same. You have the Student Center full of people trying to encourage students to GO GREEK or GET INVOLVED.. and of course you have to mention the poster sales. What would the first week be like if such things do not exist? I have called college my home for the past 7 years and this year I must say I want to call home somewhere else. I guess my old age is sneeking up on me - finally!

But I look forward to this last semester of mine. I look forward to class discussions. I look forward to job searching. I look forward to all the activities and events I will plan and attend. I look forward to my learning, growth, and development. I look forward to meeting new people. I look forward to starting a new journey. I look forward to life and most of all I look forward to a new ME.

Tick Tock.

2007-07-24T16:19:00.000-05:00

The clock inside my head has begun to start ticking.
Tick Tock.
Time for me is of the essence.
Whether to turn left or go to my right.
I am a mess or at least I know I am not my best.
Understanding what I need to do to begin this process called life,
I am behind my time.
My arrival has long been delayed.
Tick Tock.
We will begin boarding momentarily.
And so I wait.
Waiting for me to live up to my expectations and the better part of me speaks volumes of truth, wisdom, and knowledge.
I am fearless.
Tick Tock.
Now boarding all passengers, but I cannot board just yet.
I am lost, afraid, and unwilling because I know my outlook is not good.
Not right now in the midst of all this turmoil.
Confusion consumes me.
Tick Tock.
Final boarding call.
But I find myself still sitting.
Wondering, daydreaming, and caught off guard by my own irresponsibility, carelessness, and lack of fulfillment.
Tick. Tock.
My timing is off.
I see a brighter day ahead realizing that I am too late.
My gates have been locked and all opportunities are forgone.

I have arrived.

Nine Days and Counting!

2007-07-19T22:41:00.000-05:00

So, my Boise Real World Experience is about to come to an end. WOW, how the summer has flown by. There are so many things I want to learn and explore, but as the saying goes, "Make the most of every experience." And I guess if I had only not took a nap or facebooked until I could not any longer. But hey, "LIFE IS LIFE." I have no regrets. My experience here as been rewarding, challenging, and FUN. I have met some amazing people and learned a lot from our interactions with one another.

The first week I got here I must say was a trying time for me - a cultural shock and unfamilar territory. But GOD will never put more on you than you can bear. I stuck through this race and can see the finish line. Who would have thunk?- a favorite saying of mine - but BOISE, IDAHO? Ha! I came, saw, and CONQUERED!

As this once never ending journey comes to a closure in my life and reality begins to unfold, I am thankful to my new buddies which I have made - Mary, Josh, Dawn, and Rese. I have honestly learned a lot from each of you and I hope and wish you all the best in your future endeavors. I am a better person because of you!

It's Amazing How Time Flies!

2007-07-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

Just three days ago, I celebrated another birthday. This year I spent my birthday in Yellowstone National Park camping out in "Bear Country." A little apprehensive to my first real camping experience and sleeping in a tent, I grew to realize much about the road ahead of me... thus the creation of a new blog post. Buckle up!

I ran across a job posting at my undergraduate institution and thoroughly considered about applying for the position. I must say, I was eager and excited to go back to a place I called home for 5 years. Miss State was a place I learned a lot about me. Every chance I get the opportunity to go back and visit, I am in awe of the continous progress and the memorizes of my time there. It's amazing how time flies!

As a senior in highschool, I will admit I did not do my homework. I did not assertively apply for scholarships and invest time in looking into different colleges. Yes, I did sign up on a scholarship website but was too lazy to take a proactive stance on my educational pursuit. I knew without a doubt I would major in education. I received different materials in the mail from various schools and came to the conclusion out-of-state schools would not be an option - I did not want to run into to debt paying for my education.

As time for h.s. graduation approached, one of my good friends and I decided to both go to Delta State for their excellent education program. We went to visit campus and learn more about the opportunities available. I was not impressed at all. Despite my experience, I applied and was accepted. Man, did things change in a short amount of time. As a member of FBLA, my teacher wanted the class to take a trip her alma mater -Miss. State- for a visit. Like love at first sight, the first time I sat food on campus I knew it was HOME. I would not trade my MAROON and WHITE experience for the WORLD.

So know as I ponder my future ambitions and next steps, I wonder if I am ready to go back and explore a place which means a lot to me? Or should I explore other avenues and keep those memorizes of what I once had where they are - in the past? Or maybe begin to create new ones? Um... there is much to think about...

What about yo Friends!

2007-07-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

Today, I came to the realization of what it means to be a friend. Life's can be crazy! But through the thick and thin its great to know you have some people who support you in every endeavor. In every phase of life, every season change, and the moments you find the most critical, who do you lean or call on during these circumstances? These people are what I call friends. Sometimes you lose them and sometimes you win them. I can say that I have had a lot of friends over the course of my existence. Most of my friendships from childhood till now have cease to last but I have gained valuable tokens as a result. Friends are not meant to last forever. Just like fashion, what may be considered "IN" loses its appeal the next season, but never fear it could eventually come back in style later.

The notion of meeting your "REAL FRIENDS" in college can be true for some and differ for others. What about those individuals who never go to college? Regardless of if they went to college with you are not, I've come to the conclusion that your closest friends are the ones who share in your struggles, who dream with you, who support you when you fall and who pick you up after such shortcomings! Friendship does not require a phone call every day or every week! But its does suggest being there for each another. Friendship is the equivalent of love - in my opinion. As the scripture goes:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8."

Yes, I can admit that I tried to make some friendships work. But in the end, it was just an effort gone to waste in certain circumstances. Yes, you grow from these experiences and relationships can become stronger. I just encourage you to not become a fool in the midst. Be honest with yourself -thats most important. Is the friendship really going anywhere? I don't like a lot a baggage. Get rid of what you can. You be the judge! I am reminded of a song by TLC, "What about yo FRIENDS."

And just when you thought the friendship was over, look at what the rain brought in!

Today is Independence Day!

2007-07-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

All around the United States you will find its citizens full of Pride and Patriotism celebrating their Independence from Great Britain on July 4, 1776. What a great day in the history of this Nation. I ponder though constantly if this day fully represents all so-called Americans independence - I feel as though it does not.

These words spoken by Fredrick Douglass on July 5, 1852 give resonance to why I feel as such:

"What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy-a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour. "
http://www.historyisaweapon.org/defcon1/douglassjuly4.html

These words give depth to our American history, a past so full of deceit and lies. A past full of pain that I cannot fully commit to feeling free! Happy Memorial Day - a recollection of how slavery, oppression, and discrimination is still present in our country. How I do not feel as equal as most of my colleagues and how we are still enslaved socioeconomically - in our education, in our jobs, and in our very own communities.

Though I celebrate the Fourth of July every year. For me, it is a different day of remembrance -a different day of pride and patriotism. This day is a memoir to my ancestors -whom I must always pay tribute. There is still a war going on and a fight for Human Rights and Civility. I represent those individuals in spirit and truth. And though I celebrate my independence I carry on their dreams and hopes for a better day ahead. Today is Independence Day! I am ready to see the fireworks.

Its my DUE SEASON...

2007-07-02T21:30:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday at church the messaged delivered by the minister made me re-think a lot about where I am as a Christian. The title of his message was "Its my DUE SEASON." Hence, the title of this posting! The scripture was taken from Galatians 6:1-10.

As Christians we have a responsibility to help our Brothers and Sisters in Christ! If we see our fellow Christians struggling it is our duty to help them back into the right direction - especially when the spirit leads us to do such things. "Carry Them, Restore Them, Lift Them Up, and Love Them." We cannot allow "man" to hinder us from helping our fellow Christians because if we do then we miss out on our blessings from God.

Futhermore, none of us are too important for God. He does not care about all of the good things we do if we do not love his sons and daughters like Jesus loved us. If we think we are better then our brothers and sisters we do not have love in our hearts. Instead of looking at your neighbors faults, you must examine yourself. This is an important point I had to learn for myself. I made myself feel like I was more important than my brothers and sisters who I considered to be "in sin." When I, myself, was out in the world doing some of the same things they were. Instead of going to my fellow Christians in a humble fashion and lending them a helping hand, I ostracized them and put myself up on a pedestal in order to make myself feel like I was better. God does not like this. Who am I to say I am better than anyone else? We all have fallen short of God's glory and no one is better than the other. Because of this I have missed out on my blessings from God.

When we ask God, "Why don't I ever see my harvest?" Ask yourself am I doing what the Lord God asks of me to do and is there anyone hindering me from receiving my blessings? If you sow good things, good things will come back to you. It's a win-win situation! As the saying goes, "when you know better, you do better." Now that I know better its time for my DUE SEASON.

God Bless!

Day-by-Day

2007-06-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

You know throughout life we try out a lot of things. This can evolve around trying to become the status-quo or challenging it! Sometimes these experiences can be good and sometimes these things can be bad! Moreover, these opportunities make us into an ever-evolving product of incompletion. Day-by-day I question what will my end result be and ponder on if I will be happy with what I see?

I have realized in these twenty something years of mine that I create myself. Yes, I have been socialized by my childhood, community, and life experiences but can I not demystify those encounters and construct my own ideologies and self-constructs? I believe so!

Leading to my point of writing today, I realized some things about myself that I must improve. Honestly, there are a lot of things that I must come to terms with and understanding what that means! Processing and thus dealing with the consequences I have become so afraid to confront are just the beginning.

We learn so much somehow it gets lost and does not come into practice until the aftermath of our choices grabs us. Its like the Ah-ha moment! If I had only thought long term and not in the present. I like to describe this situation as doing what I need for right then and there and not focusing on the consequences of my actions.. I want the world to evolve around me and when things do not go as planned I blame it on external things and not except that it was ME.. My fault my bad and process ... For right now, I only ask that you excuse me and know that I am an ever-evolving product of incompletion - I am not a final product!

Life is Life

2007-06-17T16:58:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I got off my laziness and decided to urge myself to write. Yet, I have had people to encourage me to write; I just have not been in the mood to do such things. I believe things happen for a reason and those moments in the past will forever be untold, but I will always have memorizes.

Right now I am currently is Boise, Idaho working on my summer internship at Boise State University. This experience has had its ups and downs but I am learning to make the most of it. Though at moments, I cannot see the big picture - Life is Life. And I have to love it for what it is and aspires to become.

Be strong, be kind, and love everyone.

There will be some terrible days and oh some hills to climb, but those good days you have to hold on to because they will not last forever. Love yourself, if you don’t then who will. Forget all the drama, leave it to the actors – let them play their roles and cast yourself in the pleasures of life. Find your passion and stand up for it because it is what makes you sane. Don’t be afraid, for what is fear? - a tool that hinders you from reaching your truest potential. We are all great and we should not be unwilling to express who we are! Life is Life!!

One LOVE!

I know of Love ONCE

2007-06-17T16:56:00.001-05:00

I knew of love once… It had been in a short time ago…. Perfect, Patient, Kind and what I thought was true... Timing was only of the essence... At least that was what I only knew... I had acquired everything that I ever wanted in a micro span of moments... I tried it, explored it, and became blinded by nothing... For that was what it was. Nothing... I blame my lust on my Youth... Inexperienced, loyal, giving, and oh but a fool who knew not of LOVE… What it meant to actually love and how it should be reflected… So vividly and so anxiously I asked for it. It was me! Cant seem to point the finger at no one else, but ME! And so I suffered for nothing, I cried for nothing, I longed for nothing. Pity pity pity me who was only set up by ME. And though I weep, I grew, And though I grew, I strengthened, And though I strengthened, I LOVED ME.

"One Me"

2007-03-06T15:58:00.000-06:00

It has been a while since I last wrote, but here I am today. I have to make more of a personal commitment to get my thoughts down on paper for a particular moment or phase in my life. I believe these moments are monumental and play an instrumental role in my manifestation. I had a discussion today with an old co-worker about various things in life and it’s amazing to have friends that really listen to you and you know without a doubt they are honestly listening to what you have to say. It’s called a true friendship. I constantly debate back and forth with people about being who you are and not having to change for anybody. There is a difference in knowing better than just doing things out of ignorance. Follow me a little bit. I am person who loves to have autonomy to do the unimaginable and I need that room to fully blossom. We all develop and motivate ourselves inwardly. For many reasons, I choose to remain this free-loving individual who loves to laugh, who loves to cry, who loves to make the most out of life and DREAM DREAMS. Can I not depict that in my actions? Can I not be able to freely express myself in my MANNERISMS? Can I not just be ME? Is this not enough? In my conversions today with this friend, it was okay to curse every now and then. It was okay to say hey I am having a bad day and this is the reason why. It felt good just to let it all go and let this person understand me for who I am. Forget all this fake chatter and dehumanization of character or originality. There is only one me and I want to be that person. Everyday I am changing and when I wake up I have to re-introduce myself to ME. It felt good in those moments to just be ONE ME.

WHEN WE REALIZE!!

2007-02-15T22:15:00.000-06:00

When we realize…

Today, momentarily I am at a default….
Hinder by my past, and learning from my repast
I am unaware that I must continue on,
Not dwell in its midst but comprehend its hidden agenda,
When we realize that our past is merely a tool that we use to structure our daily existence,
Then we are ready to move on and grow.

We cannot continue to coat our lives with deceit and lies,
Instead we must take our reality as it paints a portrait to who we are,
Unlocking those hidden doors that we once dared not go,
And making a pathway for a better tomorrow.
When we realize our faults we learn.
And from those lessons we able to justify what we once did not know.

It is not our jobs to sympathize on our many mistakes, disappoints, and set backs,
Relatively lets us embrace them and inform others as they may attack once again.
As knowledge is the basic tool of competence which leads us to success.
When we realize that there are seasons, many seasons that we many encounter- some seasons good, other seasons bad than we realize the framework of our subsistence. It is in our mindset that we are able to overcome any possibility.

Give me my liberty!

2007-02-06T22:57:00.000-06:00

This week I have been impacted by the most rewarding and challenging situations. As I stated in my last note, I am more than a conqueror. For so long, we live in this shell waiting or prolonging who we are as individuals - our very potential lives within us - it is our existence. We are all unique and all so different, but we are in so many ways the same. Its been a long time since I could overcome the eyes that are upon me and I still find that it is a challenge today. I am Lamonte and no one is exactly like me. There is an individual that dwells within me and he is waiting to introduce himself to you, but you have to be willing to except who he is. If you find for some reason that you are not ready to empathize who he is, then do not even bother to speak, look, or disturb me. For this reason, I am grateful that I am able to keep living positively and I am not hindered by all the negative energy that you are throwing into my direction. Who I was yesterday is forever gone. I am living for today, tomorrow, and the future. My past is only a recollection of forgone events that I can no longer change, but can remember. It is from this moment, and my future moments that you must look at, for they are where I once was and shall no longer return. All I can ask of thee, is to give me my liberty that you actually have no control over - you just thought you did. I AM FREE!

Brand New

2007-02-05T22:33:00.001-06:00

If anyone knows me best, they know that I am a thinker! Some nights my thoughts hunt my sleep that I find it impossible to get rest. But as my mind wandered today walking across Western's campus, I began to think back over my life. As random as it may seem, I wanted to ponder on this for a little while. Have I established myself completely? And who is it that I say I am? Quite often, I constantly re-evaluate myself and assess my strengths and weaknesses. Since the beginning of this year, I have made drastic changes to become highly effective and live up to my very potential. Though I may have failed in some ways, I have excelled in many areas. I entitled this blog as "BRAND NEW." Here is to a new ME! And that is REAL.Everyday we learn something new about others and mostly important about SELF. We are all powerful as can be and it is US who choose to DREAM DREAMS.I am so blessed and the things that are happening to me now are only through his GRACE... so it is my responsibility to appreciate that and thank him for his many blessings!Now instead of being so hard on myself, I give everything to GOD. For in him I find my strength, my salvation, and my GLORY! And I am "BRAND NEW" in his eyes and that's all that MATTERS.

A Signature of Success

2007-01-31T23:31:00.000-06:00

It was not by surprise that one day I called my "Little Brother" to check up on him that the words from his mouth might come by SURPRISE. "I am running for Miss. State SA President." To my array, I paused and thought about it for a quick second, when will this boy ever stop! He just keeps going and accomplishing. What is it that this boy cannot do? What is next on his agenda of many things to do? He has tired to show me up in so many ways... but I think him running for SA President surpasses my many accomplishments in COLLEGE.
Even though he may not be my real brother, I kind of consider him to be. This young man is Jeremy Lamar Johnson. I got the opportunity to meet this guy when I was a Summer Orientation Leader in 2003. From then until today, he has grown into an outstanding BLACK man and leader for Miss. State, his community, and to myself. I cannot say that I did not give him a hard time when we first became aquainted. He, of course, at the time wanted to become an "ALPHA MAN." So, I challenged him quite a bit. I am sure today, he appreciates those moments when I was not so kind. Needless to say, I am so proud of his many accomplishments thus far in his college career. His uses the words, "A Signature of Success" to run his campaign slogan. What a great choice of words to highlight who he is as an individual. It is but with the signing of his name that all can say that he is a story of true SUCCESS.
Elections will be held on Feb. 20th on-campus and I hope that I will make it down for this occasion. Regardless of the final outcome, he will forever be a winner in this great endeavor. I wish you best of luck FRAT.

How Did You Spend Your MLK Day?

2007-01-23T23:36:00.000-06:00

Where do I begin this article? Well here goes... Like many holidays we pay tribute to the symbolism behind each one. For instance, Thanksgiving we reflect on the things we are so blessed to have and we spend the holiday with our loves ones. For many of us, it is a tradition to cook large meals that consist of turkey, dressing, sweet potato pie, mac-n-cheese, and everything that we can IMAGINE.
But what do we do for Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Day? I noticed in one of my colleague's planner -he wrote "A DAY OFF WORK." I questioned myself and pondered to ask what did u actually do that day? For me, I attended the schedule of events that were planned for the Bowling Green Community. We first started off with the Annual MLK Breakfast, a march through downtown, and finally a church service. It was ironic; well I guess it was not ironic to see the room full of my RACE. What do other RACES do to celebrate MLK DAY? I am not trying to point fingers but is this not an important day to celebrate in the HISTORY of AMERICA. I am one to question the overall purpose of this day? Is it just a day for my RACE to celebrate or is it a day for us all... ALL RACES?? As I marched through downtown Bowling Green, I remember and gave tribute to those individuals who once marched. I gave tribute not only to King, but to Harriet Tubman, Oprah Winfrey, Thurgood Marshall, Sojourner Truth, Jackie Robinson, and the list goes on. Though we do call it MLK Day, I celebrate all the other individuals who fought for OUR civil rights that are not recognized. Even as I marched, people starred in their businesses at ME and wondered WHY WE MARCH ON!
I reminiscence on my childhood days where my GRANDFATHER would let my brother, sister, and me listen to the speeches of Dr. King on A-tracks. My favorite King speech is the "DRUM MAJOR INSTINCT." I grew a greater appreciation for KING and how HE PAVED the way for ME and OTHERS! No matter where I AM in the FUTURE. I will MARCH ONWARD and UPWARD not just on MLK DAY, but everyday! I do question, what did you do for MLK DAY? Is it just a day off of work or a MOMENTUS occasion for AMERICA. But regardless if I march alone, I TOO SING AMERICA!

"My traveler's kit"

2007-01-12T18:40:00.000-06:00

Today, well in fact this past week, I wanted to start a change for the New Year! In life, I believe everything happens for a reason. It is important to always have an agenda/plan in mind when starting a change or new obstacle in life. For me it is carrying my "Traveler's Kit." With this kit comes three essential items that will help me on my journey into RECONSTRUCTION/REPAIR, those items are simply: A map, compass, and a final destination. The map I will use as a guide/template that will "map" out where I need to go (It is my beginning - where I am currently and where I am trying to get to ) my Final Destination. The compass I will use to keep my direction. Sometimes when we dream dreams and something can always get in the way. My compass is there to remind me how to stay on track. And finally my Final Destination is my VISION. And once I have reached this destination, I will look back and say JOB WELL DONE.. only to start back on another Journey!!

My Last Days at Mississippi State University

2005-06-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

I have finally come to the realization that I am PHInally leaving my home for the past 5 years. And I must mention that is has been a journey that I will never forget..... I have to be very honest and say that i was not a very focused individual when i PHirst arrived on this lovely campus. It took my a while to really see the point of why I was in college and how these years would have such a PROFOUND impact on the rest of my LIFE... It was Black Legends that helped me to get my foot in the door and PHInally realize my purpose... LEGENDS like Zackory D. Kirk, Keva Martin, Lynn Parker, Dan Coleman, Miss Genice Allen, Nikki Cox, Angela Maxwell, Trey Brown, Tiffany Henderson, too many to name but they all have helped me to develop into the PERSON I am TODAY... Thank you all so much..... It was through my involvement with the Black Student Alliance - the premier STUDENT ORGANIZATION on our campus that served as an educational tool to get me motivated to BECOME more involved and love my UNIVERSITY.. Throughout my years here, I have met and made so many wonderful memorizes that will always keep my heart glad.

The Antwone Fisher Story

2005-03-19T23:47:00.000-06:00

I can so relate to the Antwone Fisher Story! It is honestly the best movie ever made in America. An inspiring story about a young Black man, who defeats everyone that tries to destroy him. We can all relate to Antwone as he searches within and finds the little child inside. "Who will cry for the little boy, that cries himself to sleep?" Man the movie is so powerful! My favorite by far. The best words from the movie are... "No matter what you tried 2 do 2 me. You couldn't destory me! I'm still standing! I'm still strong! And I always will be!" Man those are some powerful words. If you have not seen the movie yet, better go buy it and watch it at least once a week... It will forever change your life!